Navigational Nag

I am pretty sure there is some study some where that says a couple’s communication on a road trip is indicative of their entire relationship. If that is the case my husband and I are in even more trouble that I thought. Here is a conversation from our final day, day 7 of our family road trip vacation this summer. The kids were in the car as my witness. 

Me: “It says to take exit 37A in 3 miles.”

Hubby: (driving)

GPS: “In 2.2 miles take exit 37A/I-80 East.”

Hubby: (driving)

Me: “Exit 37A is in 1 mile, 37A”

Hubby: (driving) “What exit do I want?”

Me: “Exit 37A. Its the next exit on your right.”

GPS:  “Use the two right lanes to exit 37A to I-80 East.”

Hubby: (driving in the inside right lane, in ok position to exit correctly, but looking iffy)

Me:  (pointing to the exit on right) “You’re taking that exit right?”

Hubby: (swerves left off the exit ramp at the last second to take 37B instead of 37A.)

Me: “Why did you do that? That was the right exit!”

Hubby: “You said 37B!?”

Me: “No, I have been telling you exit 37A for the last 3 miles. I think I said it 4 times.”

Hubby:  “Well I heard 37B.”

I look at kids, they shake their heads and agree with me. Then a fifteen minute long argument ensues where he blames me and my horrible navigational skills for him missing his exit. His Taco Bell nachos slide off my lap while I am reaching for the Atlas because Google maps has still not caught up to recalculate our mess up. He yells at me about spilling his food “You need to concentrate on holding my food!”

Me, laughing, “Really because you just said I needed to concentrate on navigation. You can’t have it both ways.”

 We finally get on the correct path in the correct direction while I get a stern lecturing that I need to be very specific, clear and loud in my instructions, and I cannot use words like that or there or use pointing. Twenty miles or so down the road, his story is that it is all the kids’ fault for him not correctly hearing me because they misbehave so much that I am always yelling at the kids so he has learned to tune me out over the years and so now everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. I tell him its nice he finally admits that out loud, I’ve already known that for years.

A couple hours later we get off the Interstate to gas up, use the potty, and turn onto Highway 95. I make sure I am very clear in my instructions this time, and say them as if I am the GPS voice. (Which by the way the GPS is still going and is visible to the driver.)

Hubby turns onto the main street. I tell him “you’re next turn is going to be left in 1 mile, so you’ll want left lane.” He waits until a truck gets out of his way then changes into left lane. Within less than a minute he switches back to right lane. The truck in front of him was slow so I assume he is just going around him, then will get left again in time to turn. When he has passed said slow truck and still hasn’t switched lanes I say loud and clear, “turn LEFT in 0.6 miles”. He still does not change lanes. I look at him and say “turn LEFT in 0.4 miles”. I am greatly emphasizing the LEFT. He is smirking. So I repeat again “turn LEFT in 0.3 miles”. He is still smirking. So now I think he is messing with me on purpose and assume he wants to drive through town to see something or something. He does this kind of stuff all the time where he has an idea to do something but doesn’t tell me what it is until after he does it. As we’re almost to pass our turn off onto Highway 95, he gets a panicked look on his face and says “isn’t that our turn?” swerving left to make the turn at the last minute. I’m exasperated! “Yes. That is what I have been telling you for the last mile. You were smirking so I thought you were messing with me.”

“Well its a good thing I saw the sign when I did or we would have missed it. You’re a horrible navigator.”

“ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!”

And even the kids cannot believe it and come to my defense as we all bust up laughing at how ridiculous he is being today. We decide he needs to get his hearing checked and we might also get him checked for a possible stroke. His defense again is his natural tendency to tune out my voice. That’s real comforting. So I say “fine”, I turn up the volume on the GPS and promise not to speak to him the rest of the way. Good grief! Next time we’re flying.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Rach
    Jul 15, 2014 @ 22:52:28

    Oh my! Thanks for the laugh! At least I know I’m not the only one who’s husband tunes out their voice 😉

    Reply

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