Let the Fantasy Begin! Premier of The Bachelorette Season 9 – Desiree Hartsock

ImageWelcome back to another season of The Bachelorette. First of all I’ll remind you that Desiree (Des) was my early favorite from last season’s Bachelor, so I am super happy she’s our Bachelorette. Second reminder, this is not a recap of what happened but rather my comments/opinions on what happened. Pretend you’re on the leather sectional next to me, snuggled in my favorite soft blankie and we’re fast forwarding through commercials together making fun of what we see. If you haven’t already seen episode 1, you can view it here – http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/493783. Third, I did something tonight that I’ve never done before – I let my boys watch the first hour of the show with me. Previously I’ve always waited until they went to bed to watch the show because this “reality show” is anything but realistic and I don’t want my boys growing up thinking it is acceptable to date multiple women at once. But, I might just let them watch the show with me for Blog-sake if nothing else because they made it hilarious! When the guys were making fun of the dude in the Knight’s armor and someone said “Don’t go near the water, you’re probably not going to float.” My kids laughed like it was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. I told them the men each got to introduce themselves to the lady and they sometimes tried to do something memorable or silly but sometimes it came off as dorky and I felt embarrassed for them. So God love him my 10-year-old kept asking, “was that a dorky intro mom?” “I think that one went pretty well, right?”  But then of course he said the dreaded, “When I’m a grown up maybe I’ll go on the Bachelor to find a girl.” To which I said, “Well you better keep those abs of steel then because no matter what Daddy says women don’t find fat guts attractive and the show only lets on successful muscular guys. Oops, bad mom moment – years from now we’ll look back on this moment as where the body image damage began so never mind, probably shouldn’t let them watch any more.

 As usual the show starts off with a background on Des, who I think it’s fair to say is super likeable. America loves her because she is from a humble background and is not whiney or pageantry. At the beginning of the show I was thinking, “I can’t believe there are still this many good looking men willing to come on this show”. Then we saw the intros and well, it is obvious that they are getting less applicants each year, as the pool of twenty-five has progressively fallen from all solid tens to more of a bell curve. Of course I said that last season on Emily’s first night too and then ended up thinking a number of them were good looking, so here’s hoping I’m wrong and that getting to know their personalities (or seeing them out of those suits) will change my mind.

 I immediately liked Bryden, the army soldier from Montana back from Iraq. He’s the kind of laid-back manly country boy that I’m attracted to and seems sweet. I also liked Brandon and Drew from their back story clips. If they get together, Drew’s mentally-handicapped sister should have lots in common with Des’s brother. (what, too mean? You’re right I’m sure Drew’s sister is too nice for him.)

 Most awkward introductions:

1. Doctor Larry’s attempt at a little dancing dip that ends in Des’s dress being torn. He did feel bad and I think he was probably a good guy but just wasn’t able to recover from that.

2. Jonathon’s fantasy suite invite. This could have been a good idea if it had said you can forgo the other twenty-four men and ride off in the sunset with me right now or something sweeter than a suggestion to hook-up in a fantasy suite.

3. Knight Diogo. Oiye! The Knight in shining armor idea was fantastic actually and would have been amazing if A.) the guy could move and walk in it properly and not look like a fool about to fall over. B.) Was drop dead gorgeous when he removed his helmet (which was not the case here, maybe he should have kept the helmet on like the mask guy) and C.) had said, “your Knight in Shining Armor has arrived my Lady…” Even my 10-year-old picked up on this and went from excited to shaking his head in 2.5 seconds.

 Best introductions:

1. Ben using adorable son Brody to melt Des’s heart.  (Damn you Bachelor producers for showing us previews of Ben later turning out to be a bad guy so now I’m doubting if this is even his kid or did he hire/borrow one for the night?)

2. Was it Chris that did the tying the shoe joke? That was pretty cute.

 Other notable comments:  Kasey – OMG is he going to talk in #Hashtags the whole time? It’s not funny when Mariah Carey does it on Idol and it’s not funny now. A magician! OK the rose out of his sleeve was pretty cute idea but then he should have dropped the magic acts after that. That is only cute if you’re under twelve, and constantly reminding her of your dorky hobby/profession is not helping. Might as well pull out some Star Trek action figures and ask her to play. FYI, Robert will here-on-out be referred to as ‘Caterpillar-brows’. And I am not sure what all Juan Pablo said when meeting Des (noisy kids in the room remember) but it was obvious she was uncomfortable and was hurrying him along.

 My son’s favorites of the night were: Zak W (shirtless guy), Will (Yoga guy), Chris (Mortgage Broker from OR) and Brandon (because he was coping me). Then I hurried the kids off to bed before hour 2 of show started.

My current top picks based on first night impressions:  Brandon (Painting Contactor from MN), Ben (Entrepreneur from TX), Will (Banker from WA), Drew (Digital Marketing Analyst from AZ), and lastly Michael G (Federal Prosecutor from NY) and Dan (Beverage Sales Director from CA) who we didn’t hear much from so I am basing these two solely on looks.

 Every season there is a guy or two that we like in some way but we know he’s either not marriage material or not a good fit for our girl and won’t make it to the end of the show. So I’m going to start giving honorable mention awards to these guys who do it for us in one way or another. The Hot, Panty Dropper Award goes to Juan Pablo (former Pro Soccer Player from Venezuela). Hmm maybe I should add him to my list above. The Most Fun/Adventurous/Obnoxious Award goes to Zak W. (aka Shirtless Guy). Was it just me or did he look like he was flexing the whole time? That had to be tiring.

 There’s almost always a first night embarrassing kick to the curb (usually for someone who drinks too much) and tonight that honor went to Jonathon (aka Fantasy Suite guy) for being oblivious to the ‘No Way In Hell’ vibe Des was putting off, continuing to creep her out until she sent him packing mid-party. Way to stand your ground Des! The other tickets home went to Nick R (Magician – need we say more?), Larry (Dr. dress-ripper), Micah (whose attempt at designing his own outfit was a major fail) and Diogo (sad boy in Knight’s costume).  The previews for the season to come promise loads of shit, I mean drama, as usual. But here’s the thing – it irritates me when they show too much of what is going to go down because then you don’t even get to learn it along the way you already know who is going to turn out to have a girlfriend and be a lying sleeze who just wants to be famous. And what is up with sites already listing spoilers for the whole season? I refuse to read them! And if someone tweets me the winner’s name I’m going to blow a gasket. I hate SPOILERS for shows like this. I don’t want to know the last page of the book or there’s no point in reading it. I don’t want to know who they pick in the end of there is absolutely no point to me watching the whole season. Don’t tell me. Laalaalaalaalaalaa (ears covered).

What were your first impressions?

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