Bad Things Happening Creates Good People

I read this quote that stuck in my mind: “Not so much that bad things happen to good people, as sometimes bad things happening creates good people.”

 

We see this during times of national tragedy, when events such as hurricane Katrina or Sandy, or Sept 11th, have moved people to band together, helps others, donate to causes or strive for change. I have also witnessed hard times creating better people in my personal life.

When the frustrations of drama in the workplace and a bad apple making my life stressful drove me from my old job, I made sure I was a different person at my new job. I kept an emotional distance from others in the beginning, I kept work and personal life separate and stayed away from gossip and negative people. I became a better coworker and had no troubles. Only after I had left the bad situation did I realize I was at least half of the problem.

 

The most monumental change in my life came from my Dad passing away when I was thirty-one. One lesson I learned was the importance of being there for others in their time of loss and how much it can mean to them. Or how much the lack of support, empathy and grieving time can also hurt. And as crazy as it sounds, I think my father’s death also made me a Democrat, or at least a more generous compassionate person. The struggles my father had in his last few years and my guilt over wishing I could help is what started the change. My Dad was a hard worker and had instilled in me the same work ethics. He was also a staunch Republican that passed on his view that the government should not take care of people, people should work and earn their own way. Homeless people were just lazy con-artists. Towards his end, my father had lost everything and became essentially homeless, living in his camper or motel room. I wanted to give him money and help him but any time I gave him money he went on a bender. His mind was going and I couldn’t have him around my small children possibly being a threat to them or our home. One evening, months after my Dad had passed, my husband and I were downtown on a date night. Walking from the restaurant back to the parking garage we passed a homeless man begging on the street. I walked past him looking him in the eyes - the same brown alcoholic eyes like my father. I smiled at him hoping to bring some miniscule happiness to him but everything inside me wanted to stop, hug him, give him money, pray for him, or tell him something – anything. I did nothing as my husband (who also does not believe in giving money to homeless people) dragged me quickly to the car where once inside I started crying and shaking in a panic attack. Maybe that homeless guy had an estranged daughter somewhere that wished someone could help her dad. Maybe he hadn’t meant to become homeless but had made bad choices and taken it too far to turn back now like my father had. Maybe that was my Dad inside that man’s eyes calling out to me, seeing if I would notice him. I wanted to go back and do something. But maybe he was a psychopath that would hurt me if I did. I cried all the way home, missing my dad, feeling guilty I couldn’t do anything to help, memories of my father’s predicament haunting me. That was the turning point in my life where I no longer viewed all homeless people as lazy druggies that should just go get a job. I now realized that many had physical or psychological issues that prevented them from working. Yes, mostly caused by their own bad decisions, but just because they had taken a wrong turn in life didn’t mean they didn’t have someone some where that missed them and loved them and mourned for their old life. The next week I donated all my Dad’s clothing to the men’s shelter. It took my father dying for me to become a compassionate person.

 

Recently a friend of mine lost her mother to suicide, something we would never wish on anyone. The traumatic experience has been hard on her, of course, and I cannot imagine the grief and guilt that accompanies it. But I have noticed a change in my friend. I notice her now outwardly loving and enjoying her friends and family even more than before. Reaching out to others more than before. Her father and her have become closer than before. And you can bet that she will always be sensitive to those who have shared similar circumstances. These are the positive traits that have developed out of a horrible experience.

 

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. And it is not so much that bad things happen to good people, as sometimes bad things happening creates good people. That is why with each passing year as we experience more in life, we grow better and wiser.

Spiders Are Ruining My Yard

Spiders are out to get me! I fucking hate spiders! I had to use the harsh “F” word for emphasis because that is how severely I detest them. And lately I feel like spiders are trying to ruin my life, well parts of it at least. The last two summers have been especially bad spider years in our yard here in Idaho. I don’t see many in the house (just their annoying webs) but anytime I weed the flowerbeds (which I have many of and wish to enjoy) or work in the yard, spiders and their webs are everywhere. I kill as many as I can when I see them. But usually get grossed out by their presence and give up returning to the safety of the house. I wanted to have a professional come spray for spiders this year but my husband wouldn’t let me. He is a cheap skate who also happens to not be bothered by spiders and says let them live. He rarely gets the whole phrase out of his mouth before I am stomping the shit out of it with my shoe. I don’t let any of them live if I can help it. And now they are out for revenge. Let me tell about my freak-out experience yesterday.

This is the first year we’ve had edible grapes on our vine as it took three years to establish itself apparently. We now have eight delectable bundles of perfectly ripe red/purple seedless grapes waiting for us. We had tasted them for the first time the night before and they were delicious. Really small grapes, but very tasty. So I went out to our yard to cut some fresh grapes to have waiting for the boys when they got home from school. I cut a bundle, carried it in my hand, rinsed them at the sink briefly then set it them on a paper plate on the kitchen counter. After all these are organic, grown in my own yard with no chemicals, so just have to rinse off any dust. I grabbed a couple and popped them in my mouth while I rinsed out the sink. Then turned around to the plate to grab another grape but there was a white spider escaping the wet bundle right by where I was grabbing. Holy Hell! I rushed the plate back over to the sink and rinsed him down the drain. Yuck! I just ate some of those grapes. So I rinse the grapes again. Set them down on counter again. Look back to find two more of the white spiders, tinier ones, scurrying from the grapes. OMG! I rush plate back to sink rinse them down the drain, leave the grapes in the sink and take the high-power sprayer to them. By the time I was done I had found a total of 4 spiders (2 adults, 2 kids I think) and a very small white web/nest in between the grapes. There had been a family of these little fuckers living in those grapes. The nest had been hard to see. Now I had a full-blown case of the heebie-jeebies. Yes, that is a real thing. What is the heebie-jeebies? It is that feeling you get when you see a spider (or insert bug or creeper of choice here) and it freaks you out and the rest of the day every time a hair touches the back of your arm or neck you think a spider is crawling on you and you’re so paranoid about it you have to go shower to get rid of that itchy feeling. Now I don’t want to eat those grapes. Dammit, those were yummy grapes too. Damn you spiders ruining my appetite for the goodness of homegrown fruit. Now I’m pissed and feeling a little anxiety attack coming as I cannot think of anything else but the spiders on my food. 20130828_125257

I got out our book “The National Wildlife Federation Field Guide to Insects and Spiders of North America” to see what kind of spider we are dealing with. Maybe there are certain spiders that hang out on fruit and they are harmless. Maybe they are not so harmless. I want to know but do not see any pictures in the book that look like my little white spiders. I live in North America dammit, why are they not in this book? Amazingly enough I made it through the night without nightmares of spiders. And today did a brave thing. I went outside with gardening gloves & scissors, a jar, and a giant bowl. I was going to cut another bunch of grapes, purposefully find more white spiders and trap them in my jar so I could find out what they are. I repeated yesterday’s process of rinsing and waiting for spiders to come out. Today I only got one baby one, but did see two other little web/nests within the grapes. They are so hard to see someone could totally eat the whole bundle of grapes before they noticed it. And these Mo-Fo’s are so fast that I cannot get a picture of it so I am waiting for the sucker to suffocate so I can then study it. It is all starting to feel a little scientific to me, but really I am just fuelled by hatred and fear.

I can barely go outside into my yard anymore I am so bothered by all the spiders. I have beautiful flowers, now overrun with weeds. I have a patio I could enjoy but I’d have to hose & sweep it everyday to keep the spider webs away. I don’t even clean the inside of my house that much. I just want my space back without spiders. I don’t care how people say they are good because they kill other bugs. Well they do a shit-ass job because my flowers still have aphids or some kind of little bug on them. Flies are still getting in the house if the door is left open. I really don’t think spiders make a dent in the bug population – maybe in the forest but not in my yard. And how come all these birds in my yard don’t eat the spiders?

So now I will have to research ways of killing spiders on vegetation without killing the plant and poisoning the food. I also need to find out what type of spider this is. It is not the only kind I see around here we also have the black hairy jumpy ones inside, and the brown garden spiders outside. But these little white assholes made it to the top of my most wanted list. And maybe, just maybe I’ll burn all my bushes to the ground this fall and start fresh next year. Now excuse me while I go shower the heebie-jeebies off again…I think there’s a spider in my hair.

Thirty-Seven

I am thirty-seven years old. I think I am at that age where you decide to take good care of yourself to stay healthy , young and active, or to let yourself get older. It is definitely a conscious choice that needs to be made. My husband already decided to let himself go years ago to be old and seems to have no desire to change his mind. Not me, I want to take the you healthier, more active route, but it is not easy. It is a constant life change that I need to practice.

I have weeks where thirty-seven doesn’t phase me. These weeks I do 3-5 workouts of 30-60 minutes each, and I feel great. I feel stronger and more athletic than I was in my twenties (although I am still not athletic). Some weeks I remember to take my vitamins and try to make healthy food choices. Although I am never perfect I certainly feel wiser than in my younger days. These are the weeks I feel like I am taking better care of myself than ever before. Even when I can’t see results on the scale, I feel better and younger inside. I forget my age. I swim or wrestle with my kids. I bounce on the trampoline. I dive off boats. Life is great.

Then there are the other weeks. Weeks where I drag and drag and drag. Getting to bed too late and ditching my early morning workouts for thirty more minutes of sleep or a drowsy bath instead. I forget to take my vitamins. I eat pizza, chocolate and Doritos to settle my cravings. My eyes grow heavy at my desk each afternoon from three to four; until I do the head bob and have to get up to walk around. I am desperate for a nap I never get when I get home at night. These are the weeks I feel my age. I am sleepy, my mind is not fresh or alert, I am sluggish, my eyes are droopy. I don’t have the energy to keep the housework or take the kids to the park. I only want to lounge around. I don’t like those weeks but am having one right now – coming off a vacation and my period, I haven’t exercised in 4 days – and today I am certainly feeling my age.

It just reminds me that I can never stop. Going forward I will always have to exercise and eat right to keep feeling good. Any breaks I take, just take me backward into sleepy despair. That is an exhausting thought.

Well, maybe next week…

Meeting My Recipient

Something really neat happened to me. I got to meet “my girl”, the recipient of my stem cell donation. Followers of my Blog/Facebook/Twitter know that last spring I was contacted by the National Marrow Donor Program that I was a match. All I could know about my matched recipient was that she was a thirteen year old girl with Fanconi Anemia (FA). About a month later I flew to San Francisco to donate my stem cells via PBSC (Peripheral Blood Stem Cell) Donation. I was given a couple brief updates on the recipient’s status a few months later “Transplant a success. Patient doing well with minor set-backs.” I then had to wait a year to find out who “my girl” was, and if the family would want to meet me. Our Anniversary date came. I emailed my NMDP contact for the form, filled it out and sent it back. About a week later I received her name and address – Jordan Flynn. She lived in Maine: the opposite side of the country from me. I found the clip I saw on Rock Center that I thought might be her and watched it again. It was her! I bought a cute card and mailed it off to let her know I had been thinking about her, hoped she was feeling well and I was up for contact if they were. About a week later I received a message and friend request on Facebook from her mom, Doreen.

“Hi Katy! You don’t know me but you and I have something in common, my daughter Jordan! You did a very selfless act last April by donating your bone marrow and by doing that you saved my daughter’s life. Words cannot describe the gratitude I have for what you have done. Because of you I get to see my daughter grow into a young lady, I get to see her enjoy her High School years and finally enjoy being a teenager!! I am forever indebted for the opportunity you have given her. If you hadn’t donated your marrow Jordan wouldn’t be with us today. You have no idea how much this means to me and her family. I hope that this can be the beginning of a new friendship. I do appreciate you allowing Sloan Kettering to give me your contact information as we have been very anxious to know the identity of the person who we owe so very much to! Hope to hear from you soon!  – Doreen”

We started a daily back and forth conversation on Facebook getting to know each other bit by bit. I shared my blog with her and read her online journal about what they went through during that year of transplant and recuperation. It was so satisfying to know that the transplant graft went well, but so scary to find out there were a couple infections developed afterwards that were close calls. The PBSC collection was on Monday, May 7th. She received my cells on Tuesday May 8th. I was back to work on Wednesday May 9th. Not so easy for her: Jordan was in the hospital or Ronald McDonald house for something like nine months before she could go home to her family and normal life, her mother Doreen by her side the entire time. This humbled me.

I also received multiple Facebook messages from their friends and family thanking me. They all made me feel so good. This message Jordan posted meant the very most:

“Thanks everyone, for the birthday wishes! So blessed I was given another chance to be on this planet today. And thank you, Katy, for saving my life so I could be here to celebrate my 15th birthday! – Jordan”

There was an out-pouring of support and gratitude. A couple weeks into our online friendship, Doreen invited us to fly out to surprise Jordan. I couldn’t write about it or post anything about my excitement then because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. But now that we are back from our trip I can reflect upon it. From start to finish, this donation process has truly been one of the best experiences of my life.

My husband couldn’t go with us to Maine, he is a corporate accountant and July is his hell month of fiscal year end reports, which means vacations are impossible for him at that time. But honestly I knew he was ok to stay back, he’s not that sociable. So my boys and I, and my mom who had accompanied me on the journey to San Francisco last year, flew out to Portland, Maine where Doreen met us at the airport. I felt like I already knew her, so was never nervous to meet her until that moment I texted her from baggage claim that we were ready and saw her cross the street to greet us. Oh boy, here goes the butterflies and emotions. But much to my surprise I didn’t cry. A nice long hug later we were in the car for a 30 or 40 minute drive to their house. Jordan had no idea we were coming. We followed Doreen into her front door where Jordan gave a quizzical look from the kitchen. “Do you recognize who this is?” Her mom asked her. “No,” she replied tentatively. And a few seconds later when she realized it was me, her face light up in an OMG surprise and she ran forward to hug me.

Jordan was adorable. She’s very small and thin and a little pale, but has beautiful blue eyes with long lashes, a few cute freckles and a great smile. Her hair is still growing back from when it fell out after the chemotherapy she had prior to transplant. She had the cutest little ringlet curls hitting the back of her neck – not her pre-transplant style perhaps but so cute everybody wants to touch them. She was a normal teenager. Most importantly she wasn’t sick.

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The family was very laid back going about their normal routine which made it feel like we were longtime friends stopped by for a casual visit. It was nice. They have a lovely home on a quiet dead end street backed up to a gorgeous natural reserve thick with trees. We visited on the deck while my boys swam in their pool for a couple hours. Then we headed off to our hotel to rest up from our long night’s flight while they took care of some last minute wedding arrangements. That’s right – wedding – we were there on that particular weekend to be guests at their wedding: Doreen (mom) and Shawn (step-Dad). We checked into the hotel and had lunch. It was nice to lay down for a bit, shower and brush my teeth. I’m sure we were quite the sight coming fresh from 12-hours of red-eye flight where makeup had long-before worn off and hair gone flat. The Flynn’s picked us back up a few hours later to go back to their house for dinner. We got to meet the rest of the kids, 8 total in the combined family: Abby, Sammy, James, Jordan, Jacob, Jorga & Julia, and Ally. Wow, that’s a lot of dirty socks (or maybe my boys are the only ones that leave them all over the house driving me crazy). That evening we had pizza & beer and visited as more and more of their friends and family arrived. It felt so normal. Family and friends, running around the house, half of them were trying to get things accomplished for the big event the next day, the other half sitting and laughing and telling stories. It was a great way to gradually sink into the groove so that before I knew it they felt like my family and friends. Actually, it was nicer because everyone was so happy to meet us. It was amazing to watch Doreen. The night before her wedding, with a house full of people – I would have been stressed out – she was a rock star and I’d learn over the rest of the weekend that she was a true Super Mom - could get a hundred things done in a day, never lose her cool and never say I’m tired. Holy cow, she’s amazingly.

The family lent us their car to drive back to the hotel for the night and so we could make our way to the wedding the next day. We had some free time on Saturday morning to lounge, swim and get ready. Good thing too since we were not used to the time change and slept in until ten. Thanks to the car’s GPS we made it to the wedding location about twenty minutes out of town at a beautiful country venue in Grey, Maine. In Boise I would have felt nervous arriving at a function where I knew only a handful or less of the people but most were strangers, but for whatever reason it didn’t faze us there. I had met Doreen’s parents, neighbor, sister and close friend the night before and was greeted with welcome smiles.

The wedding was a casual outdoor event where the gents wore khaki shorts and the ladies wore cute colorful summer dresses. My Jordan was in the most adorable white eyelet lace dress. The ceremony included the children and the melding of the families with a mixing-of-sand-in-bottles-kind of deal that was really neat. The reception was there with a large tented area with tables for eating, dance floor in front of the stage where the ceremony had been, booze in the barn, and acres of green grass for the kids to run and play and explore. They were genius in providing outdoor games, Frisbees, footballs etc for the kids so the adults could stick around longer visiting and dancing and enjoying the festivities without being pestered by little nagging voices “I want to go home. When can we go home?” Nope, there was plenty to do, and the name of the game was to hang out until dark for campfire and S’mores. My boys even broke out of their comfort zone enough to dance a little and make friends. It felt more like a family reunion. I think this is my favorite wedding I’ve ever been to.

Shortly after our pulled pork and homemade mac-n-cheese, Doreen introduced me over the microphone. Everyone stood up and applauded, it was one of those super-sweet, kind of embarrassing moments when you don’t know what to do with yourself so you smile and wave. But it was really cool because then the rest of the day people came up to me thanking me, asking me for a hug, and just being all-round-awesome. I think I felt better hugging those ‘strangers’ more than most of my own family. Everyone showed such warmth and gratitude and kindness. My seven year old even said, “Why are they all so nice?” They really were. They made me feel like a celebrity or something. I felt my heart overflowing with…pride? Joy? Fellowship? Love? All of it. By the end of the night we had a new family we belonged to and it felt great.

Sunday we went out to lunch with the Flynn-Gummoe family for some much needed Maine seafood where we compared all our similarities and odd coincidences that made it seem like our two families were destined to be intertwined all along. Then we drove to the coast for some sight-seeing. We went to Fort William at Cape Elizabeth. It was beautiful. We walked around visiting while we looked at the old fort walls, took pictures on the rocks, and the kids hiked through the wooded areas. My boys put their toes in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time marking that off their life’s to-do-list. By the time we got back to town Mom was exhausted so we dropped her off at the hotel for some alone time and the boys and I went back to the Flynn-Gummoe house for dinner and more hang-out time. My boys got along so well with their son Jacob – playing video games, Chess and swimming – they stayed entertained the whole time. I got to bond with the teenage girls a little over some twitter talk/boy talk. We said our goodbyes to Jordan and the other kids that night knowing they wouldn’t want to get up at 4am to take us to the airport. It took me forever to fall asleep that night. I wasn’t ready to leave yet. But 4am came really fast (especially when that is 2am our time) and Doreen was there to take us to the airport at 5. Thankfully we had about a forty-minute drive to the airport in Portland to visit some more (or sleep in the kids’ case) before we had to say our final goodbyes. But I know it won’t be final, won’t be a one-time meet. These are great, generous, fun, loving people who I bonded to so quickly that I missed them already after only a couple days back. We are already talking about them possibly traveling out to see us in Idaho next summer, or some kind of annual or biannual reunion. There have been almost daily interactions via text, Facebook or Twitter since we left. I truly grew attached. Life’s reward for this donation experience is new lifelong friends and it can’t get much better than that.

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{Do you want to help save a life – visit http://bethematch.org/ to learn how}

Bachelorette – D3 – Dodging Balls

Only one more day to the new episode of the Bachelorette and I realize I have not posted my thoughts on last week’s show. It’s been a week so I don’t have anything brilliant or funny to say. Brief rundown:

Week 3 of Desiree’s quest for love included two group dates, one individual date and the unfolding drama of Brian’s girlfriend. The first group date was a dodge ball competition that had the boys in their short shorts. Brooks proved to be a whiney wuss when he broke his finger. Not that a broken finger wouldn’t hurt, it would, but you’d think when surrounded by your competition and the girl you’re trying to woo that you’d play tough and hold back the tears and shake that off a little, at least until the cameras weren’t looking. So yes, he slipped a notch on my list. However, without the headband, he still reminds me of the cute Timothy Olyphant in the movie Catch And Release.
Timothy_Olyphant           bachelorette brooks vneck
Actually I’m noticing a number of the guys seem like whiney girls this season. I’m especially ready for Michael G. to go home. His and Mikey’s ongoing feud with Ben is irritating.

The individual date went to Kasey, but not until unfolding demise of Brian, whose girlfriend Stephanie showed up to “out” him on national television. Des kicks him off the show, no skin off our backs as I don’t even remember this dude. The one negative effect of the dramatic confrontation the house witnesses is it turns Brandon into an emotional wreck. The man is hot without his shirt on, but he’s a hot mess in the emotional department. He’s a sweetheart and after a couple years of therapy and getting himself together he’ll be a great catch, but he’s not ready. Yes a girl likes a man that isn’t afraid to cry, but they have to be able to control it and cry at appropriate times. Add this to his early divulgence of feelings to Des and I assume he will be sent home soon. Kasey and Des’ date went well but not spectacular. I didn’t see sparks flying but they danced on the side of a building without too much fear or drama, then went for a swim and kissed after their date got stormed out. She gave him the rose to keep him around another week.

The second group date was probably my favorite group date of all seasons. Des took a smaller group of five guys to a ranch where they dressed up like cowboys, learned stunts and acted out old western scenes. The guys were hot in their cowboy gear and had a lot of fun with it. Juan Pablo was the funniest rattling off Spanish and kicking dirt on the bad guy in his scene to win the prize of watching a movie with Des. Bryden proved once again why he is my favorite. He’s sweet, cute and doesn’t make a fool of himself. I was afraid Des wouldn’t be that into him because he’s not as aggressive as her but I might be wrong. I think she sees the good in him too. Here’s a surprising thought – I kind of like Zak W. (shirtless guy). I don’t think he is the cutest but I like his personality. I think he’s thoughtful, positive and has a good spirit. I’d keep him around for awhile to find out more.

Good twist: instead of a dress-up reception they have a pool-side party – if I was Bachelorette that would be my choice every week – HELLO, Shirtless!!  Chris, James and Kasey start out with roses; Bryden, Juan Pablo, Zak W, Brooks, Drew, Zack K, Brad, Michael G, Mike & Ben get roses. We say good-bye to Dan and Brandon. I’d like to see more of Drew next week. I think it is still an open race for Des’s heart. And boy she is not shy about kissing them all.

Bachelorette -D2 – The Right Reasons Rappers

Why has it taken me all week to get up my weekly reflection on the Bachelorette? Well I was hoping the negative reaction I was having to Monday’s show could be blamed on a grumpy mood and lack of sleep. However, after giving it a couple of days and watching the show again, my feelings didn’t change. So here it goes. Before this season started I really liked Desiree. My opinion of her was that she was genuine, likeable, intelligent, athletic, fun, strong, and emotionally level-headed. But for some reason, all of episode 2, she seems really fake to me. I have the feeling that she is really caught up in the excitement of the show, LA, the fancy cars, mansions and over-the-top dates. Who can blame her? That stuff is exciting and overwhelming for those of us who are less fortunate and I can only imagine between the lifestyle and the hot guys hanging on your every word that you would feel like a kid on Christmas morning. And so maybe the fakey vibe I’m getting is just her excitement being more about the experience than the men?? I don’t know. I just felt she was using her kindergarten teacher voice on the dates and it felt fake and a little forced. Or maybe it’s just me being a tired, grumpy, cynic.  Also I don’t like it when they fake surprise – the men don’t know what is going to happen on the date but the Bachelorette does and I think the faking ignorance is irritating – like me acting surprised when my kids tell me they got two dollars from the Tooth Fairy. Necessary for seven-year olds, not for grown men.

 The 1st one-on-one date of the season went to Brooks, Mr. Wavy hair & smile. He is very nice to look at, and proved to be a fun date. Con #1: the already over-done bridal salon date. Let’s take two people who have barely met and force them to dress as if they are getting married tonight, nothing awkward about that. Bachelor producers, please! Can we take this theme out of the rotation now? Just like with American Idol using the same theme nights after 12 seasons, I am equally bored of the Bachelor Franchise using the same date ideas every season. The wedding photos, the dinner in a closed off public location (this case middle of a bridge), and most staged of all dancing to a private concert.  But date choice is not Brook’s fault and he does well yakking it up in a bright green leprechaun suit, which is Pro #1: silly side. Con #2: they hiked to the Hollywood sign in a freaking wedding gown and tux. Yeah, that screams reality. Pro #2: conversation went well. Pro #3: Did I mention how good-looking Brooks is? Con #3: My cynic side is annoyed when Brooks talks about his feels. I have a hard time believing that it is real too. Probably more to do with being married to a man who NEVER talks about his feelings for twelve years than actually to do with Brooks. Good thing I’m not in the dating world because I’d probably never again believe a word out of a man’s mouth. I’ve already seen the wizard behind the curtain.

Group Date: Rapping “Right Reasons” under direction of actual rapper Soulja Boy. The worst white boy rhymes ever, and easily the most humiliating date of all time. I’m glad they had fun with it but if I was the Bachelorette I wouldn’t even want to put them through that. And WTH, the only black guy can’t dance? Bummer. I would have really liked to see more of Will. They drew a few comparisons of this seasons men to some of the seasons past and I couldn’t help but think of “Guard & Protect Your Heart” Kasey every time I saw Brandon after that. If he ends up leaving soon, it will be because of that comparison. Please don’t be that guy. James was a constant comic relief (or pain in the ass heckler depending on how you look at it). Side note: I wonder how bad the bachelor pad house smells. I mean just because these are all well manscaped, waxed men doesn’t mean they aren’t still farting, pooping, stinking men like the ones we’re married too. Just less hair on the bathroom floor.

 2nd One-on-One Date - Road trip with Bryden. Pro# 1: Now this date I liked! This is totally what I would have enjoyed and a great way to get to know someone and not just have it be about the glitz. Pro #2: Bryden was sweet and the right amount of shy and fun. I’m sticking with my first impression of liking him. I liked that he admitted that he wasn’t ready for a relationship before and used the military as an excuse not to have one, now he’s ready. I felt it was pretty genuine. I cannot tell if Des is into him or just thinks he’s nice and is telling all the guys how much fun she’s having. Con 31: During their end of night dip in the pool, Des tries easing the awkward tension of Bryden’s nervous stalling before their first kiss by saying “just kiss me already” I go back and forth between thinking it was cute, and being turned off by it. I just felt like he’s a shy traditional guy and being that aggressive could have turned him off or made me felt emasculated. I’ve learned through personal experience that sometimes guys don’t want those moments taken away from them, they want to feel that they’re in charge. And I just felt like that was not really the sweet first kiss moment you want to look back on. There was obviously an uncomfortable lull in the conversation before she said that, but, I don’t know just didn’t feel right to me. I really like Bryden, but I have a feeling she is going to end up being too forward and aggressive for him, or him to reserved for her, however you want to look at it. Also she seems very ready to kiss all the guys. Nothing wrong with that necessarily, just none of them have felt special yet.

 Reception night:  Pro #1: Zak W. (aka shirtless guy) surprised Des with an antique journal with a message from a father to his daughter written on the inside cover. I actually really thought that was a thoughtful and special gift. I would have been impressed and I think she was too. She may not be into him romantically but that was a very good effort and showed some depth on his side. Con #1: Boy drama – oh brother – this is the whiniest bunch of boys we’ve had on here to date. I don’t think Ben was as bad as the previews made him look. Yes they all feel competitive with him because they can tell he’s “in the lead” but he doesn’t seem intentional about it like Bentley or Tierra. When approached by the other guys about his rude ‘cutting-in’ I thought he handled himself like a gentleman. The nice-guy thing would be not to interrupt people when you already have a rose, but at least afterwards he wasn’t all “I’m not here to be your friend” “I’ll do what I want”. He was still respectful in word, even if not in action. So I will wait and see what happens before I decide if he is the evil one to hate this season or if the other guys are just jealous. Con #2: Michael needs to learn how to tell a story faster anyway. I mean why do they always have to start a story out with “well it all started with a phone call…(add drama & suspense) instead of just saying …”I have diabetes.” Come on, make a long story short people you know you could be interrupted at any second, and whoops you were. Pro #2: I LOVE Desiree’s green gown, so beautiful.  Pro/Con?: Brandon shares his story of a tough childhood with Des and she appreciates it but is she into him? I can see him possibly getting labeled as the “too emotional/insecure one”.

At the Rose Ceremony Des sends home Will (No!), Nick (No!) and Robert (aka Caterpillar-brow). I thought Will and Nick were two of the hotter guys and certainly would have kept them around longer. Disappointed in that decision. This week my top picks are Bryden, Brooks, and Juan Pablo. Ben & Brandon are now questionable. What are your thoughts? Anyone else feel as irritable about it as I did?

Let the Fantasy Begin! Premier of The Bachelorette Season 9 – Desiree Hartsock

ImageWelcome back to another season of The Bachelorette. First of all I’ll remind you that Desiree (Des) was my early favorite from last season’s Bachelor, so I am super happy she’s our Bachelorette. Second reminder, this is not a recap of what happened but rather my comments/opinions on what happened. Pretend you’re on the leather sectional next to me, snuggled in my favorite soft blankie and we’re fast forwarding through commercials together making fun of what we see. If you haven’t already seen episode 1, you can view it here – http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/493783. Third, I did something tonight that I’ve never done before – I let my boys watch the first hour of the show with me. Previously I’ve always waited until they went to bed to watch the show because this “reality show” is anything but realistic and I don’t want my boys growing up thinking it is acceptable to date multiple women at once. But, I might just let them watch the show with me for Blog-sake if nothing else because they made it hilarious! When the guys were making fun of the dude in the Knight’s armor and someone said “Don’t go near the water, you’re probably not going to float.” My kids laughed like it was the funniest thing they’ve ever heard. I told them the men each got to introduce themselves to the lady and they sometimes tried to do something memorable or silly but sometimes it came off as dorky and I felt embarrassed for them. So God love him my 10-year-old kept asking, “was that a dorky intro mom?” “I think that one went pretty well, right?”  But then of course he said the dreaded, “When I’m a grown up maybe I’ll go on the Bachelor to find a girl.” To which I said, “Well you better keep those abs of steel then because no matter what Daddy says women don’t find fat guts attractive and the show only lets on successful muscular guys. Oops, bad mom moment – years from now we’ll look back on this moment as where the body image damage began so never mind, probably shouldn’t let them watch any more.

 As usual the show starts off with a background on Des, who I think it’s fair to say is super likeable. America loves her because she is from a humble background and is not whiney or pageantry. At the beginning of the show I was thinking, “I can’t believe there are still this many good looking men willing to come on this show”. Then we saw the intros and well, it is obvious that they are getting less applicants each year, as the pool of twenty-five has progressively fallen from all solid tens to more of a bell curve. Of course I said that last season on Emily’s first night too and then ended up thinking a number of them were good looking, so here’s hoping I’m wrong and that getting to know their personalities (or seeing them out of those suits) will change my mind.

 I immediately liked Bryden, the army soldier from Montana back from Iraq. He’s the kind of laid-back manly country boy that I’m attracted to and seems sweet. I also liked Brandon and Drew from their back story clips. If they get together, Drew’s mentally-handicapped sister should have lots in common with Des’s brother. (what, too mean? You’re right I’m sure Drew’s sister is too nice for him.)

 Most awkward introductions:

1. Doctor Larry’s attempt at a little dancing dip that ends in Des’s dress being torn. He did feel bad and I think he was probably a good guy but just wasn’t able to recover from that.

2. Jonathon’s fantasy suite invite. This could have been a good idea if it had said you can forgo the other twenty-four men and ride off in the sunset with me right now or something sweeter than a suggestion to hook-up in a fantasy suite.

3. Knight Diogo. Oiye! The Knight in shining armor idea was fantastic actually and would have been amazing if A.) the guy could move and walk in it properly and not look like a fool about to fall over. B.) Was drop dead gorgeous when he removed his helmet (which was not the case here, maybe he should have kept the helmet on like the mask guy) and C.) had said, “your Knight in Shining Armor has arrived my Lady…” Even my 10-year-old picked up on this and went from excited to shaking his head in 2.5 seconds.

 Best introductions:

1. Ben using adorable son Brody to melt Des’s heart.  (Damn you Bachelor producers for showing us previews of Ben later turning out to be a bad guy so now I’m doubting if this is even his kid or did he hire/borrow one for the night?)

2. Was it Chris that did the tying the shoe joke? That was pretty cute.

 Other notable comments:  Kasey – OMG is he going to talk in #Hashtags the whole time? It’s not funny when Mariah Carey does it on Idol and it’s not funny now. A magician! OK the rose out of his sleeve was pretty cute idea but then he should have dropped the magic acts after that. That is only cute if you’re under twelve, and constantly reminding her of your dorky hobby/profession is not helping. Might as well pull out some Star Trek action figures and ask her to play. FYI, Robert will here-on-out be referred to as ‘Caterpillar-brows’. And I am not sure what all Juan Pablo said when meeting Des (noisy kids in the room remember) but it was obvious she was uncomfortable and was hurrying him along.

 My son’s favorites of the night were: Zak W (shirtless guy), Will (Yoga guy), Chris (Mortgage Broker from OR) and Brandon (because he was coping me). Then I hurried the kids off to bed before hour 2 of show started.

My current top picks based on first night impressions:  Brandon (Painting Contactor from MN), Ben (Entrepreneur from TX), Will (Banker from WA), Drew (Digital Marketing Analyst from AZ), and lastly Michael G (Federal Prosecutor from NY) and Dan (Beverage Sales Director from CA) who we didn’t hear much from so I am basing these two solely on looks.

 Every season there is a guy or two that we like in some way but we know he’s either not marriage material or not a good fit for our girl and won’t make it to the end of the show. So I’m going to start giving honorable mention awards to these guys who do it for us in one way or another. The Hot, Panty Dropper Award goes to Juan Pablo (former Pro Soccer Player from Venezuela). Hmm maybe I should add him to my list above. The Most Fun/Adventurous/Obnoxious Award goes to Zak W. (aka Shirtless Guy). Was it just me or did he look like he was flexing the whole time? That had to be tiring.

 There’s almost always a first night embarrassing kick to the curb (usually for someone who drinks too much) and tonight that honor went to Jonathon (aka Fantasy Suite guy) for being oblivious to the ‘No Way In Hell’ vibe Des was putting off, continuing to creep her out until she sent him packing mid-party. Way to stand your ground Des! The other tickets home went to Nick R (Magician – need we say more?), Larry (Dr. dress-ripper), Micah (whose attempt at designing his own outfit was a major fail) and Diogo (sad boy in Knight’s costume).  The previews for the season to come promise loads of shit, I mean drama, as usual. But here’s the thing – it irritates me when they show too much of what is going to go down because then you don’t even get to learn it along the way you already know who is going to turn out to have a girlfriend and be a lying sleeze who just wants to be famous. And what is up with sites already listing spoilers for the whole season? I refuse to read them! And if someone tweets me the winner’s name I’m going to blow a gasket. I hate SPOILERS for shows like this. I don’t want to know the last page of the book or there’s no point in reading it. I don’t want to know who they pick in the end of there is absolutely no point to me watching the whole season. Don’t tell me. Laalaalaalaalaalaa (ears covered).

What were your first impressions?

Fit or Food? Decisions, decisions…

I’ve seen things that say “Being thin feels better than food tastes” or “Food tastes so much better than being thin feels.” I’ve probably starred both of them on Twitter. I will admit I am a little bipolar when it comes to my body image. Half the time I feel comfortable the way I am (being a little over weight but happy and in love with food). The other half of the time I hate that I let myself get this way and dream of a chiseled fit body and my clothes never feeling too tight again. So while I go back and forth and back and forth trying to decide which lifestyle to commit to; I decided to dissect my history with food and body image over the years to see where it all went wrong. 

Half-Pint:

As a kid I was really skinny. I didn’t think anything of it. I got boobs in 3rd grade, way before the other girls, but was still skinny. The only other girls that had boobs that early were the really heavy ones. So why did I? Once I hit puberty I really started filling out and getting curvy everywhere. When I was thirteen I had the body of seventeen, in a good way (well not so good for my Dad). However, once I surpassed two of my skinny pixie-size older sisters up in height & weight & clothing size, I really started feeling more insecure about it. I was modest and never felt comfortable changing in front of people. Especially in PE class in Junior High. I went into the shower with a towel on, took super-quick-don’t-get-my-hair-wet type showers and then changed in the restroom stall so no one could make fun of my breasts or that my stomach wasn’t flat. At this point I weighed about 115 lbs and looked killer in size 5 BONGO jeans (they were the coolest), but compared myself to everyone else, therefore feeling ashamed. My sisters and others who commented on my breast size always said it like it was an abnormal thing, never like “man those are awesome, wish I had some”, even though come to find out, they were just jealous and would later pay for bigger breasts. Instead it always made me feel like they were saying I was fat. Why couldn’t they have made it sound like more of a privilege to be 36C all through high school instead of like I had a third eye or something? Through High School I was 5’4” and a solid 120-125, thicker than the skinny boney girls but far from fat. So even though I know now I had a great body – I didn’t believe it then. I thought my stomach was chubby (because it wasn’t six-pack-abs and rarely showed skin. Most days for lunch I’d have a Pepsi and a snickers bar, or sometimes a hot dog. My after school snack was usually 2-4 pieces of toast or ramen noodles. But no matter what I ate I stayed the same. I thought it was fine. I thought I had my Dad’s hollow legs and could eat whatever I wanted. I was wrong.

Eat A Pint:

Like a lot of girls I started putting on weight in college. It probably didn’t help that I lived at home my first two years, therefore still having good food to eat since it was being paid for by Mom & Dad, therefore NOT starving college student. By the time I moved out on my own I was 135 lbs with flabby thighs. Once I went off to BSU, study groups centered around lunch in the student union building. I had a lot of Pizza Hut breadsticks and absolutely no vegetables. By the time I graduated college I was 140 lbs, D-cup bra and all my clothes were uncomfortably tight. I found myself in a stable relationship with a man who worked nights, eating dinner at 10pm so I found myself eating two dinners. My love of food started to really blossom as I enjoyed eating out in restaurants more often. Eating became a social event – often the only thing I got together with friends to do. At one point I was eating lunch out 3-4 times a week with my coworkers to places like Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill – heavy pasta dishes with creamy Alfredo sauce and lots of bread. I knew I was getting chubbier as my clothing sizes increased. I gradually went from 9 in juniors to 10 in misses, then 12’s, eventually some 14’s. I popped a button on my suit top just by exhaling. But I didn’t care enough to change my habits.

I started both pregnancies (at 27 & 29) at 150 lbs. I gained 25 pounds with both pregnancies – right on schedule according doctors – getting back down to 160-165 at the end. But did I care? Nope, all of my twenties I ate and ate and loved my food. I was extremely lazy, spending my non-working hours at home as a couch potato. I viewed my weight as something that naturally went up with age & having babies. I wanted to stay in more often. At home with my chubby husband I was fine, but I skipped going to beach-like settings with college friends because I wasn’t comfortable being the chubbiest girl in the group. I hated that all my cousins were skinnier than me and the family made it clear that they noticed. I was unhappy with myself but I didn’t know it.

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You Can Do It:

It wasn’t until my thirties that I started to give a rat’s ass about my health or my looks. It was early 2009 that someone commented on how much weight I’d lost. I hadn’t tried to, I hadn’t done anything, I hadn’t even noticed…but my clothes were baggy. I weighed in and realized I had lost ten pounds without even trying. The reason: the Wellbutrin antidepressant I was on. Thank you baby Jesus! There was something between losing that initial weight, having people notice and the inspiration of the Biggest Loser reality show that I finally started to try.

I’ve had pretty bad allergy induced & exercise induced Asthma all my life. It did get better as I got older but because I had avoided running & aerobic activity for so long I thought I couldn’t do it. I had a medical excuse that got me completely out of PE all of High School. I had to use my inhaler after a flight of stairs, and would never dream of running, which usually won me a trip to the Emergency Room. The couple times I had tried to do the Denise Austin workouts on TV my thighs were burning and I was wheezing before the warm-ups were even over. I would stop and say I couldn’t do it. BUT I was now surrounded by people at work that were into working out and I was already losing weight, so I was going to try it. I started with the Biggest Loser Workout DVD at home, then Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred, and Tony Horton’s 10-minute trainers. I had to get up at 5:30 each morning to do them before work – the only time I could carve out for myself. It wasn’t easy in the beginning because of my asthma and the fact that my muscles were so out of shape. Some days I would stand up from my desk and could barely move, having to limp down the hall to the printer. But the more I did it, the better I got, the less it hurt and the more I wanted to do. I was amazed that I could build up my endurance and lung strength. My inhaler usage dropped considerably. I even started the P90X program (but quit after two weeks when I got bronchitis). By the end of that year I had lost a total of 24 pounds, getting down to 141 and going from size 12 pants down to size 8. My BMI went from 29 to 23. I felt so much stronger and better about myself. I could be naked without cringing. I even felt a little flirtier again – after a ten year hiatus – I was getting sexy back. The biggest difference was in my energy level. Now I could (and wanted to) run around and play with my two boys instead of just watch them from the couch. I felt great, had a better positive attitude and felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I said I would never go back.

…But for how long…

Of course, the battle with weight is never easy and that was not my happy ending. You see that health kick lasted until Summer 2010, but then I had set backs. Quit to go on vacation. Start up again. Quit when I was sick. Start up again. Quit over the holidays because I want to eat yummy food. Start up again. Quit because I might be going through a mid-life crisis & looking good is making me want to leave my fat husband who still wants to stay home and watch TV all the time and won’t take the journey with me. Take your pick – there’s always a hundred excuses.

I am now on my fourth year of “trying” to be healthy & fit.  I have a tendency to be on a workout kick for 2-3 months, working out 4-6 times a week and loving it, then unintentionally quitting. Sometimes I also eat healthy and count calories and lose some weight. Sometimes I am still eating whatever I want so I don’t lose much weight but do firm up and feel better. But I keep stopping for two weeks here, four weeks there, 8 weeks there for all the reasons I listed above of getting off the wagon, then taking a while to get back on. I get discouraged easily. I have lost and gained and lost and gained the same ten pounds over and over again. Ten might not seem like a lot, but for my frame, ten pounds is a whole pants size and a lot of self-esteem.

When I look at the amount of food and type of foods I ate when I was in my twenties compared to the amount and type of foods I eat now – my diet is SO MUCH better now. If I am eating about 1200-1700 calories a day now (or however many myfitnesspal.com tells me to), I bet I was probably eating 2000-3000 calories a day for the 2nd half of my twenties. I didn’t eat vegetables back then (except salad before my pasta). I didn’t eat whole grains back then. I ate lots of candy bars and pasta. Now I am on track for my calorie count half of the time. I drink a lot more water now and have a lot less sweets. So you would think looking at my habits then versus now I could drop weight from that alone. But it’s not that simple. You always hear the older we get the harder it gets. This is so true. I’m finding that I have to do both the exercising & eating to a strict healthy plan in order to lose enough weight to be even close to where I should be. I don’t pay attention to Doctor’s charts because they used to tell me that for my height I should be 106-129 lbs. I couldn’t imagine what I’d look like at 106, but death bed comes to mind. I feel I would be happiest and look good in the 129-140 lb. range. (Remember I have large breasts that probably add 10-20 lbs just on their own). I recently researched it online and was happy to see they have adjusted those recommendations for a healthy weight down to a more reasonable:   124-138 at http://www.idealweightchart.org/. And that my healthy body mass index (BMI) should be in range of 18.5 to 24.9.  Those are some numbers I can gauge myself by but just staying below the 150 mark and staying strong by working out at least 3-5 times a week will make me happy. I still have work to do if I am to make those goals though, as I still struggle with chocolate cravings, Doritos cravings, Coke-Cola daily and a bacon cheeseburger once a week. I have to tackle those temptations of deliciousness and long time emotional eating habits (handed down for generations) before I will be successful for good. And I now know that you can never stop. Living healthy is a forever change. Because if I stop working out for two weeks, my body changes back to where it was and I have to start all over again with my endurance build up & muscle build up. It is not fair that it’s this hard. There are some people with great genetics that it might not be this hard for. I am not one of them. I just have to retrain my brain and my habits.

Still undecided & struggling:

I’m still struggling with which I want more; food or a fit body. Sometimes I feel happy with my size and my lifestyle the way it is and decide I’ll just be who I am. Being able to eat chocolate cake or go for pizza is so much more fun than being a constant calorie counting obsessive bitch that makes everyone at the table feel bad. It is the easier choice because it doesn’t take so much work or dedication. But it doesn’t wipe away my insecurities. The other half of the time I want that nice trim body so badly, I feel like a failure for not getting it. I want to be healthy and hot. I don’t want to be old and ugly and weak, and the slowest person who gets eaten by the Zombie apocalypse. I want to be strong and kick ass. I want guys to notice me. I want to change clothes in front of people and not worry about what they think of my pouch. I want to be a positive role model for my children. I want to wear a swimsuit without a shirt over it. But…I still want cake dammit!  I wish I could have my “don’t care about my weight” attitude of my twenties partnered with my better habits of my thirties. My new goal is to lose 10 pounds by August 2013, 20 pounds in a year. But most of all I want it to click & stick. And I’d like to not be so hard on myself in the meantime.

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Why a Woman Goes Sour

Men don’t understand women. Women seem complicated. Well guess what? They are complicated. We wish men only knew how much. If only they could be in our shoes for a week – they’d finally understand why we are so overwhelmed. We are not only ruled by our hearts, hormones and emotions, but also our endless stream of thoughts. Men, do you know why we never believe you when you say you aren’t thinking about anything? It is because women are never NOT thinking something. We’re always thinking about 3-7 things at the same time. Not because we want to, because we have to. We are built that way apparently. We can have multiple things on our mind, like a stovetop with front burners and back burners, but never empty. We cannot turn it off (except with excessive alcohol to numb the mind, which is probably how you got us to begin with).

 Woman is a world of difference from girl, lady, or female. I don’t even feel like a female anymore. The sweet girl, the lovely lady were beat out of me years ago. Now I’m a mentally and physically exhausted, mouthy, sarcastic, untrusting. pushy ballbusting bitch. I’m too busy with important things to care about my fingernails or eyeliner or the latest fashions, or being polite to people who piss me off. I’ve never in my life curtsied or been kissed on the back of my hand. Men hold the door open for me or kill spiders for me even less often than my bra & panties match, which is rare. And much to his despair I do not spend all my time thinking of ways to make my husband happy. No, none of that is me. I am not saying I wouldn’t like to be those things – its just not in me right now.

 No, I am an educated, urban woman in 2013 which means I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have to put my children first and try my hardest to raise them into decent human beings that will not one day shoot up their school. But I also have to earn money and work my ass off in the corporate world to make 77% of what my male counterpart makes. And yet it will be he who gets the promotion over me despite the fact that he is all bullshit talk and I am the brain and the follow through, because they assume that me being a mom means I don’t want to travel. (Have you met my family? Please, send me away.) I work 40 hours a week outside the home and then am still expected to do all the housework (because my husband is too lazy and in 12 years of marriage I still have not figured out a successful way to motivate him), as well as half of the cooking and meal preparations. I am the social committee responsible for family events, play date coordination and even all communication with HIS parents. If the kids don’t have clean pants for school, it is my fault I didn’t get the laundry done. If they forgot to study their spelling words, it is my fault because I didn’t remember to make them. If the kids haven’t showered in a week it would only be because I didn’t start their water and make them do it. And after I’ve read each of the boys a chapter and put them to bed, do the dinner dishes, feed the cat, etc I am then expected to suddenly feel sensual and sexual and service my man? How can I when I smell like a sweaty combo of taco meat and dishwater? When all I want to do is either read a book, take a bath, sleep or watch my favorite TV show. Have a little escape from my own reality. Sure he has enough energy for sex, he’s been laying there watching American Chopper all night. Do you see why women are resentful? Do you see why we go crazy and are no longer fun? Getting married and having a family takes every ounce of energy and every ounce of tender love, enthusiasm, and sweetness out of us. That’s why the twenty-year-olds seem more appealing to you men than the thirty-somethings – you haven’t ruined them yet.

 How do I feel as a woman or a wife? I feel bitter, harsh, naggy, and under appreciated. Am I a good wife to my husband? Emotionally, No! I know this and am helpless to change it because my responsibilities and workload as a mother, worker, and director of everything takes everything I have. I have no energy, nor desire, to try to change myself to be better to HIM. The same HIM that puts me in this position by not sharing a fair load of house duties, by not being sensitive and understanding, by never taking care of me. I am taking care of everyone all the time.

Oh, and on top of my family duties to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, it is also up to me to help make the world a better place: recycle, save the polar bears & rain forests, donate to the poor, fight pedophiles, raise money for cancer research – the list never ends. No pressure at all, right? 

So do I feel honored to be a woman? Not really. Only the honor of creating life, having and loving children with all my heart. The rest of life is so much more difficult for us than for men. They are the lucky ones that have us to do everything for them. I’d say maybe its only my lazy husband, but 75% of my friends have the same problem (or had the same problem before their divorce). So now you know  why we are overwhelmed harpies who just might stab you the next time you say “What you making me for breakfast woman?” Please save a woman from going bitter, thank your mother/sister/wife/daughter today (and give her a shoulder massage).

Bachelor S17 week 5: Double the Drama

Episode 5: part 1 started off Bachelor Sean’s worldwide journey. First stop: Gorgeous (but not exotic, these are the kinds of places I actually visit) Montana. I hate to break it to Sean, but this group of girls is way too fancy for camping & outdoorsy mountain stuff. When will outdoorsy men realize that beautiful high-maintenance women do not equate to shared hobbies. They fulfill your boob hobby, not your mountain man hobby. You want a girl that is going to bait her own hook and rock your world in a tent? Then pick the girl that wears hiking boots instead of high-heels and only wears makeup on special occasions.

 1st Date – Lindsay – “Let Love Soar” I am relieved to see that Lindsay is dressed appropriately for Montana: jeans, flannel shirt, boots. Any girl that sports stilettos & mini skirts during the day in this town should be dragged through the streets ankle tied to a horse. So here’s the deal with Lindsay: the first night when she showed up in a wedding dress I was like “NO WAY” then once she proceeded to get drunk and make a fool of herself I was like “Double No Way!”. But you know what… she is actually a strong possibility. They look really natural together, and Sean sure seems to like kissing her.

 Side note: It dawned on me that I don’t like wrist tattoos. No matter how frilly or sentimental it might be, they all look like gang tatts or prison ID’s to me. Same for the neck, but those are even worse. And I’m not against tattoos in general – just those locations.

 Group Date: “Eight Maids a Milking” The Montana group date was a relay race involving canoeing, log sawing, hay baling, and goat milking. Of course a real Montana date would involve a juicy steak and chugging beer rather than goat’s milk. So the losing team went back to the lodge while the winning team got the rest of the evening with Sean….erch! (that’s my put on the brakes sound) Or not, Sean called the other girls to come back out too as he just didn’t feel right cheating them out of the extra time together. Really? What it means to me is there was someone on the losing team that he wanted more time with and was super bummed when he didn’t get it so he changed the rule. The winning girls were understandably upset. And when Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry! Ha, I like this little spitfire. Meanwhile Tierra (who is not part of the group date) continued to scheme & plot to steal her man by showing up uninvited. I really wanted her plan to backfire, for Sean to be turned off by her over-aggressive ways, but alas, as in most previous seasons our Bachelor has lost all common sense & good judgment. It must have something to do with the extended time period of excessive blood flow away from the brain to the penis — like standing on your head for four weeks. And OMG all I can think about after watching him kiss the 4th or 5th woman that night was COLD SORES! The girls might as well just cut out the middle man and kiss each other. Yuck. And so another seemingly traditional nice guy fell victim to the Bachelor curse. I’m sorry but apparently no man can be surrounded by 10-20 beautiful women that all want him and are fighting over him and it NOT go to his head. Their ego’s get so big, their personality changes, they forget what they originally wanted. (most prevalent cases: Bachelors Jake & Ben who we started off loving and would now probably kick in the balls if we saw them on the street.)

Another thought: does anyone else think Tierra’s story about the boyfriend who died is a complete bullshit story she made up on the way over there? When Emily Maynard had a sad love story they focused on it all season. This is the first we heard of Tierra’s lost love. She’s pulling out all the stops.

 I’m also super surprised that Daniella got the rose – but then again he has a history of giving it to the insecure one. I knew at this point that Robyn is going home. But I was sad that he sent Jackie home after the awkward 2-on-1 date. Jackie is beautiful and sweet. Tierra is a needy and manipulative drama queen.  “No, Sean, Tierra is not sweet, you naive doofus!!! You even said yourself that she was drama. You need to stop thinking with the little head and make your Momma proud.” Is one of many things I was yelling at the TV. Every man that even thinks about going on this show should be forced to watch footage from previous seasons of the maniacal one that everybody hates that will dump your ass after she’s won. The Vienna, Courtney & Tierra footage. Here’s a clue, if everyone hates them, there is probably a good reason, listen up and pay attention you fuck heads.

 Side note: Sarah’s eye makeup at the reception/rose ceremony was gorgeous!

 ——————————————————————————-

 Episode 5: Part 2 — Lake Louise in the Canadian Rockies

 First date was with Catherine (at last) where they played in the snow and I was making dinner so I really didn’t pay much attention to their conversation which seemed to be going well.

 The group date was the polar bear plunge into the glacier fed crystal blue lake – and probably the worst idea in Bachelor history – no wait, 2nd worst after the boxing fiasco that sent Ames to the doctor with a concussion (Ashley’s Season 7 of Bachelorette). Selma once again proved she’s the wisest girl there by refusing to go in the frigid waters. The other girls got their bikinis on (once again, why is this a requirement?) and ran into the barely above freezing water, had to get their heads wet, then ran back out strait for their robes. Except our favorite girl Tierra, who if you watch closely refuses the towel, shrugging people off as they try to wrap her for warmth. Gee, Tierra, I cannot imagine why you are so cold and spazzing out. Maybe she was hoping to use the “let’s get naked and snuggle for body heat” line. But the stupid B is carried off with hypothermia (as planned I’m sure). She was the only one. Really Sean, really? You want a lifetime of fake falls, fake illnesses, fake pregnancies and attention getting schemes? I can’t stand those soap opera kind of girls. Tierra seems even more pushy when she showed up for the group date even after Sean told her to stay in bed and recoup. Red flag warning #47 Sean: She will never do what you ask of her, she’ll always do her own thing to get her own way.

 The sad part of the night was when after Emily gets a little too real for Sean, he decided to let her go then instead of waiting for the rose ceremony. She showed him family and childhood photos (sharing a part of herself, hey you want to get to know me too right?) and it made him realize that she wanted a relationship with him whereas he was happy in friendzville. On one hand I respect the fact that he didn’t make her stress through the reception and rose ceremony, but on the other hand, it singled her out as like
“WOW, I knew you weren’t the one and had to get you the freck out of there.” Which would make a girl feel way worse than “I have to send two people home, uh, I guess it will be you and you.”

 Ok I have a great idea! Let’s have Sarah and Emily O’Brien, from Ben’s season, join together to have their own show. It could be reality or scripted either one, but would be those two as roommates trying to find love in the world, while building their careers and staying true to themselves and their morals. That’s a show I’d watch.

 Now that I see more of Sean with the different girls I think Lindsay, Catherine, Leslie and Des are best for him. I think Selma is too mature for him and Ashlee is too uptight for him. Now that he’s in it, he seems to want a playful adventurous girl more than the best wife type. Was not too surprised when he sent Daniella and Selma home. So, how are you feeling after this week’s two nights of episodes? I am irritated with Sean and with this show, as you can probably tell. Every season I’m like “why do I watch this shit?”, “If he picks her I’m boycotting this show”, and yet each season I tune in again. I am just as much a fool as the other millions of you BachelorNation fans. I guess it is the new soap opera of this generation.

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